ICE.COLD.COFFEE

I've discovered ways to become a finalist in the nationals swimming competition. (To be taken with a pinch of salt.)

1)Take drugs

It could improve your performance. Or maybe not. I don't really know what it does though. But if you run the risk or being disqualified if you take it, it must be good for your performance. Haha. Don't ever try this at home.

2)Sabo the other competitors

Maybe you could put laxatives in their drinks. Make them lao sai. This way, they won't be able to take part. Then you'll automatically move on to the finals.

It'll help them move their bowels. (For those who suffer from constipation.) And you'll be able to get what you want. Win-win situation! Haha.

3)Train hard... very hard!

Or you could do it the traditional and "correct" way. Just train hard. But right now, when the competition is like 2 weeks away, I don't think it'll be effective for me.

When I first joined swiming as a cca at the begining of the year, my seniors already said that I'll probably have no chance of getting into the finals. Why? It wasn't because I'm that lousy.

It's because the other competitors have been training like since primary school or even younger still. They trained for more than 10 years and I just started training. How to beat them?

4)Take part in other events

This is the most effective way. Because I just found out today that most girls took part in short distance events.

Very few did long distance.

Need proof?

Well, 32 people are taking part in 50m breaststroke (my event) and we have 4 heats. 8 finalists will be chosen.

For 200m breaststroke, only 8 taking part. All will get into finals without heats.

There are also events where less than 8 people sign up.

Wa lau! Free pass to becoming a finalist leh. So wasted that people don't want to take part.

I think it's because most girls are not good enough to swim long distance for competition.

Imagine, if you are not good enough and still take part, then when people finish swimming their 200m (4 laps), you'll still be swimming half, have to swim another 2 laps.

So embarassing! When you come out of the water, unless you have super thick skin, you better put on a mask to hide your face.

People will be watching and saying that you don't deserve the title of finalist.

But deep down in their hearts, they must be wanting to do the same too. Haha.

So I guess I found a sure way of becoming a finalist. (If you don't mind that few minutes of ultimate humiliation that you'll "enjoy" while others wait for you to finish your last few laps.)

Try it! Besides, it'll look good on our testimonial and get a free medal. Quite worth it you know!